the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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