Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
