Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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