She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
