Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
