I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
This is not my ceiling
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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