You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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