shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
