i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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