it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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