Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
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Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
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The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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