I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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