Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
