i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i dont even know how to be here
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
