I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
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max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I could fuck to npr.
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It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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