I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
