I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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