the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
