Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
