The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You pole danced in your parka.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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