new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
