My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
