Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
