Michael Bay diarrhea
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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