if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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