Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize