Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
