no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
