What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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