Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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