it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
