If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
