And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
why is half of my head shaved?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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