well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
