I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
