if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It all started with a game of naked twister.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
