I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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