So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I smell like Dick and happiness
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
