How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just threw up on my dentist
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
