i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
