ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
