my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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