I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
