O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
