rhymes with "ouble enetration"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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