i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me I talked like a deaf person
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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