So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
God, I missed his penis.
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