the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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