the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
