Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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