i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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