I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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