I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
