someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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