its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
