Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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