I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
