Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize