there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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