You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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