i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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